Wal-Mart Offers a Payoff to All of WomankindS

Just months ago, dying trinket warehouse Wal-Mart escaped the largest sex discrimination suit in history. I don't even know why I brought that up, because it has nothing to do with the massive Wal-Mart woman-payoff PR campaign announced today. Nothing!

The hellish crap merchant has announced that it will be doing a whole big $20 billion "Empower Women" initiative just because mainly you know, Wal-Mart likes women, why not? So embarrassing that they're getting all this press about it, ugh! Can't Wal-Mart just launch a gaudy PR campaign about spending billions of dollars with women-owned businesses in private?

Highly paid Wal-Mart corporate strategist Leslie Dach says it clearly: this PR campaign "is not in reaction to the class-action suit against Wal-Mart, which charged unfair treatment of women in the workplace." Ladies, ladies, your outpouring of adulation is embarrassing, for Wal-Mart! Please, just enjoy the everyday low prices, don't even mention this meticulously planned strategy designed to head off any future class action suits, okay? Yeesh. Women!

As of press time, Wal-Mart's Women initiative did not specifically address little girl bat attacks or women who might want a union.

[Photo: AP]