Ten Accurate Poverty Indicators

A gang of people are poor. We know that for sure. But economists can't agree on just how we should measure who's officially Living in Poverty. Well, hmm.

  • If you make less than $22,314 for a family of four, you are definitely living in poverty.
  • If you make less than $22,314 and you are a single parent, you are living in poverty.
  • If you make less than $22,314 and you live in New York City and you are not some fresh-out-of-school young up-and-comer, you are living in poverty.
  • If you play music or breakdance on the subway for tips after trying and failing to find another job, you are living in poverty.
  • If you commit strong-arm robbery for an iPod Touch because you can neither afford an iPod Touch nor conceive of ever being able to afford an iPod Touch, even under ideal conditions, you are living in poverty.
  • If you cannot afford an iPod Touch but would not even buy one if you could afford it because you know for a fact that you would simply be robbed for your iPod Touch in your neighborhood which you are financially unable to move out of, you are living in poverty.
  • If you are under the age of 40 and your parent or parents moved in with you due to their own poverty and you were secretly miffed primarily for financial, rather than social, reasons, you are living in poverty.
  • If you take the prospect of winning the lottery seriously, you are living in poverty.
  • If you can purchase crack in two or more places in a one-block radius from your house even after informing the police two or more times about the existence of said crack spots, you are living in poverty.
  • If you legit cannot afford to buy food, you are living in poverty.
Of course, all of the above should be disregarded if you own a television. You can't live in poverty with a television.

[Photo: Annie Mole/ Flickr]