Katy Perry Advances Plan for World Domination

America's national embarrassment will continue to take over our lands and townships with another song. Also today: bad news for Anderson, decent news for Sarah, and great news for twentysomethings.

  • Terrible gum demon Katy Perry has already tied a record with Michael Jackson for most number one hits off one album, and now she's trying to best him. A sixth single will be released from her dismayingly successful album Teenage Dream, the acid dewdrop nostalgia squawk "The One That Got Away." So that will probably go to number one just like the others and she'll laugh and laugh and call you gay and our brains will sizzle and die as her aural pink-poison is radiated in through our ears and the flesh will be sucked from our bones by the British skeleton-hobo she took for a mate and all the teenyboopers will just love it, cheering and clapping, acne glistening in the light as we crumple to the ground in wailing, skinless heaps and the hard, cruel sun burns on and on in the heavens. Can't wait! [THR]
  • Ohhhh good! The other day I was complaining that there aren't enough shows about lawyers on TV. Which is true, totally true. There really should be more lawyers on TV. But you know what else there really aren't enough of? Shows about twentysomethings living in the city and doing twentysomething things. Wouldn't it be so fascinating to learn about what twentysomethings in cities are doing? Especially if they're snakry, snappy, twentysomethings who "verb" a lot of words and have little codes and inside jokes and stuff? Man, I wish there was at least one show like that. But nope. Well, nope only for now. Soon there will be no more nope! Because Casey Wilson, of SNL fame, is writing, along with her writing partner, a show called Walk of Shame (hilarious!) that is about "a group of twentysomething friends in New York and features an opening scene about an embarrassing situation followed by flashbacks of the events that led to it." Jimminy crickets does that sound good! Holy guacamole am I excited to see what wacky things these twentysomethings get into. Probably sex things and work things and friend things. It's all very terrific sounding! Finally! [Deadline]
  • The series premiere of Sarah Michelle Gellar's only so-so new show Ringer fittingly only did so-so in the ratings. 2.7 million people tuned in, which is pretty good for The CW, but not great for a show that was originally supposed to go to a big three network and that stars a name like SMG. But that's OK! Maybe it'll build a fanbase and stay on the air for a few years. I mean, look at One Tree Hill! That's mostly just devolved into Stephen from Laguna Beach mumbling and slowly pleasuring himself under an old oak tree and it's still on the air. And Supernatural? I mean, that's just the Winchester boys giving each other purple nurples and cuddling in sleeping bags during rainstorms. (It's great, actually.) And it's still going! So, chin up, Gellar. You could still make it after all. [EW]
  • Ha. "It wasn't tennis," bitches Deadline about the second day not-so-good ratings for CNN news queen Anderson Cooper's new talk show, Anderson. Folks thought that Monday's debut was maybe not so good because of the U.S. Open, but there was no U.S. Open match yesterday and still the show only got a 1.1 rating. So we actually might have something of bomb dot com on our hands here. I guess it makes sense. I mean, who wants to watch a smart, intelligent, GAY man talk about things, y'know? We'd rather have him Berkusing it up in soft-focus or, I don't know, being Ross the Intern. Not that Cooper was doing hard-hitting anything on his talk show, I mean it's mostly about Snooki and beige sweaters, but still. Oh well. I guess this doesn't mean good things for Cry of the Wolf, the new Wolf Blitzer talk show I'm producing. Sorry, Wolfie! [Deadline]
  • Here's a little something for our gay neighbors to the north. So basically the cast of 1 Girl 5 Gays. (Can you believe we haven't really talked about that show on this website? It's basically outrageous that it hasn't come up. I feel like I have a lot to say about it! But oh well, another time!) Listen up, Canucks: unfortunately Canada Television or whatever has canceled Canada So You Think You Can Dance, Eh?. Yup. No more Canadian dancers dancing Canadianly. You'll have to once again peer over the fence into beautiful, dance-happy America, where our freaky bezerker dance monsters are still going strong. [THR]

[Photo via Getty]