Michelle Obama Decrees Olive Garden And Red Lobster Will No Longer Make You Fat

Cancel tomorrow's date night at Olive Garden immediately! The Darden Restaurant Group, which runs fine dining boutiques Red Lobster, Olive Garden, and other strip-mall destinations is getting itself healthy with Michelle Obama's help. That just ruins everything.

The First Lady has had enough of obesity in this country, and she is joining Darden and championing their new initiative to cut the calories and sodium in meals across their restaurants by 20% over the next 10 years. Baby steps, sure, but this also means that you'll soon have to go elsewhere to get your fill of buttery spiders of the sea (that's what old ladies in New England call lobsters) and spaghetti slathered in more milk by-products than at a butter sculpting competition. What's the fun in eating at one of these places if it's going to be good for you? Not fun at all! No one wants the promise of bottomless seaweed breadsticks.

[Images via Getty, Flickr]