I had a friend who used to call diarrhea "the grunts." But the grunts we have around here are just the opposite. Rather than an unwanted and heavy flow, these grunts have little or nothing to say but just want to be heard. No more!
Yes the grunts we have to deal with are the people who leave short, mono-syllabic comments that make no sense and add absolutely nothing to the conversation. We want you to engage with each other honestly and intelligently. People who can't muster a full thought have no place at our virtual dinner table with their bad manners and ill-timed outbursts.
Take zap rowsdower who left this comment on our story about the Real Housewives getting fired: "STUPID" That's all he said. Not only is it in all caps and lacking punctuation (yes, we're still banning for improper caps) but it is totally incomplete. What is stupid? The article? The Housewives? The article about the Housewives? The Housewives getting fired? We'll never know! And it's not that we mind him disagreeing with us or the decision, just at least make enough of a coherent utterance so we know why.
Take Ivan Moore Bacon Wright II who committed the awful sin of "+1." Letting your fellow commenters know you agree with them is great, but rather than just a character and a digit, why not a full sentence. "I completely agree with you." That's not so hard, but even that can be improved on. Bolster and add to their argument, especially if the thread is a deep discussion. Don't just jump on their back, prod them along!
Finally, take MaxSimpson3 who, among other things left a comment that just said, "." That is it. A period. If I were in the habit of making bad jokes, I'd ask if it was his time of the month, but I won't. This is nothing. This is just wasting space. No one has time for this. Even if he was just editing out a repeat comment or something he wanted to take back, at least let us know that, don't just leave a black hole sucking in our attention.
None of us are cavemen, so let's cut out the grunting and get back to fighting with torrents of words, witty insights, and scalding critiques. That's what adults do!
A Few Notes & How to Submit Nominations
All decisions about commenter executions are final. There is no appeal, though bribery is sometimes acceptable depending on the severity of the offense and the amount of the bribe. Executed commenters may be allowed back after a suitable period of exile.
Because this process is to better the community, citizen's arrests for unruly commenters are welcome and encouraged. Executions can be based on a single incident or general and prolonged suckiness. Please submit your nominations to firstname.lastname@example.org.
Please include your rationale for execution and a link to the specific comment (you can get the direct link by clicking on the comment's time stamp) for evidence. Any commenter who submits a successful accusation for execution will be rewarded and deputized with a gold star. Happy commenting, and beware of the grunts!