Burning Your Customers' Penises With a Hair Straightener Is Bad for Business

Talk about dick moves: Two British drug dealers, one of whom is named Richard Johnson, are in jail after admitting that they attacked a late-paying mephedrone customer by putting his penis between hot straightening tongs. The customer, 18-year-old Anthony Dabbs, was so traumatized that he fled the town. Small business owners take note!

Scaring off your customers by attacking their genitals with fiery objects is bound to affect your bottom line. First, the customers you torture are unlikely to purchase your products again. Second, you might end up doing prison time—just like Johnson and Christopher Lilley, the two 24-year-olds who attacked Dabbs.

There's a lesson here for all you prospective mephedrone customers as well: When your dealers, to whom you own money, send a taxi to whisk you off to their business HQ, don't go. Yeah, just stay right where you are. Sadly, Dabbs didn't follow this advice and ended up with "a 2cm by 5cm burn, causing permanent scarring and a 'loss of function' for several months," as well as nightmares and PTSD.

Dabbs says he actually paid his fee to Lilley and Johnson, but they demanded more money. Which brings us to a third and final tip for you budding entrepreneurs out there: Don't be greedy.

Also, use hair straighteners only on hair.

[Daily Mail]