Ranting Weiner fetishist and far-right blog mogul Andrew Breitbart is so tired of "vicious" Twitter leftists and liberals calling him gay—which they do for no reason—that sometimes, during "unclear moments" of addled thinking and high emotions, he thinks about how cool it would be if America had another civil war. Then he might finally fulfill his promise of taking down America's Left, and also end his own victimization. "Major-named" people in the military has his back on this!

Breitbart's war fantasy pits Janeane Garofalo, the SEIU, and "public sector union thugs" vs. him and America's gun-owning anti-liberals. "They can only win a rhetorical or propaganda war," he told a gathering of Tea Partiers in Boston. "We outnumber them and we have the guns." When the gatherers laughed, he reiterated: "I'm not kidding."

Okay Janeane, you know what to do: head over to Macy's and buy the biggest bazooka on stock. Pick up an extra one for Richard Trumka.