Americans Too Dumb to Pick the Right College

Are you "rational" when it comes to thinking about college? Hey, get real, jerk. Of course not. Whether you're a parent or a college-bound student, your brain is little more than a mishmash of various glossy college brochure stock photos and loan rate percentages that you can't even calculate. I hope you're not a math major, you irrational fool.

The WSJ today explores all of the various ways in which you, the education consumer, act like a complete god damn sucker that should be ashamed to have the word "college" associated with your name in any way, shape or form, since that implies some level of education and reasoning ability. What are you even thinking?

Studies show that people feel better about a bet when they're told they have a 90% chance of winning, rather than a 10% risk of losing. In just the same way, how schools frame a deal can make a big difference. Families may be drawn to a school that charges $40,000 tuition and offers a $10,000 "merit" scholarship instead of one that simply charges $30,000.

Boy you sure are dumber than a cold rock on a hot day, aren't you? They're exactly the same bro! The WSJ's expert suggests that you "make a spreadsheet" to compare colleges, but I would suggest that you do not know how to make a spreadsheet, do you? You can't even do math right! Much less operate a sophisticated computer program!

Look, don't sweat it. You've already qualified for a 50% Smart Guy scholarship to the Hamitonia Institute of College Decision-Making and Analysis. You have a 90% chance of winning— knowledge! Send checks now, before time runs out—on your future!

[WSJ; Related]