It's 1994 All Over Again

The Lion King is number one at the box office, so it must be, right? Meanwhile in the future, a disease movie holds on, a dark thriller does OK, and Sarah Jessica Parker stalls out.

1) The Lion King 3D — $29.3M
Wow, I can't believe it's 1994 already. Seems like just yesterday it was 1989 and we were all freaking out about living in the '90s. Now here we are, four years in. I don't know what you guys are up to, whether you're in college or having a kid or just being born or whatever, but I'm starting sixth grade at a school I don't really like, so that's kinda too bad. But really it's all right. I mean, it's 1994! Ace of Base! "Wild Night"! Mariah Carey's Music Box! Plus, y'know, like The Simpsons is at its heyday, E.R. just started, and Two and a Half Men in no way exists yet. And Clinton! Clinton before everything bad happened. Plus I'm 11 years old, what do I care about anything, really? It's 1994 and The Lion King is number one at the box office and, oh man, we still have time, guys! We have time to do everything right, to do everything over again. I don't have to spend high school doing all those dumb things, because I haven't been to high school yet! I'm actually going to go to my classes this time, I swear! No more smoking cigarettes on the MassArt benches for me. But, hey, that's like six years away, so I shouldn't even sweat it. For now, I'm just going to enjoy this time. Maybe I'll go see The Lion King again. Oh, 1994! It's so good to see you again.

2) Contagion — $14.4M
Holding on strong in its second week, this grim disease movie isn't a feel-good hit like The Help (4th place, $6.4M), but it's performing decently. I mean for a movie that's about millions of people dying that's filled with a lot of science jargon and angry bloggers and foreign people and stuff. I mean those are not usually things that people love to watch? Well, OK, the millions of people dying part, sure. We're always curious about that, because in our minds we're never the ones to die, it's everyone else. Though, I suppose there might be some Gloomy Gus out there who thinks "OK, so I'm dead, obviously, statistically speaking. So what does the world look like after me and a buncha other people are dead?" as opposed to everyone else who thinks, "This is what the world looks like when I'm one of the ones left." Hm. I actually kind of like that Gloomy Gus. It's a funny way of thinking. I wonder if he exists. Are you reading this, Gus? If you are, look me up. Let's get dinner and talk about things in a gloomy way.

3) Drive — $11M
Holy cripes this movie. Did you guys see this movie? If you did not see this movie this weekend, you should go see it now. Just cough a couple times (maybe your boss just saw Contagion and will be overly cautious) and say you're sick and leave and go see a matinee of this movie. I mean, it's not a feel-good movie, it is most certainly not that. I don't even know if it's a fun movie. But it is a good movie, I think. Completely ridiculous, but completely ridiculous on purpose. There is crazy (and crazy good) music, the camerawork is terrific, and the acting is grand. But be warned that it is sort of intense for a long part of the movie. It just kinda takes a left turn halfway through and you are like "Whoaaaaa." Like, after the movie I was talking with my friends about it and I compared it to Funny Games. That kind of intense. But seriously it's very good! Don't be scared. Be intrigued. I liked this movie. It's pulp schlock, but done beautifully and, I think, is secretly about a little more than pulp schlock. But who knows. See this movie and report back. There's your assignment.

5) Straw Dogs — $5M
This pointless remake performed about as well as pointless remakes should. Even though I, and I think all of us really, have a soft spot for ol' James Marsden, he seems like such a likable guy, and it is always nice to see him get work, this movie probably shouldn't have been made and that's that.

6) I Don't Know How She Does It — $4.5M
Yikes. I guess she doesn't do it? I mean, it looked like she might do it, but actually she doesn't. She does some of it, I guess, but not all of it, and really not enough of it. So, mystery solved. You don't know how she does it because she doesn't do it. Spoiler alert I guess. Sorry, guys.