Fresh on the heels of the tenth anniversary of That Horrible and Fateful Day When Everything Changed, a new reason to Never Forget: an unidentified group of shadowy Arabs—or someone familiar with their secret communication codes—has managed to infiltrate our nation's commercial air system once again, and scrawl mysterious unknown gibberish terror messages on the underbelly of planes. Will these messages explode?
We urge you not to panic as you read the stark and heart-throbbing facts communicated in this brief news story:
Mysterious messages that appeared to be scrawled in Arabic writing on the underbellies of several Southwest Airlines jets were being investigated Wednesday by the airline and the FBI, Los Angeles radio station KNX-1070 reported...
The writing appears to have been etched using a chemical process and is visible only after an auxiliary power unit is turned on.
If the messages are, indeed, in Arabic, then why are they so mysterious? Look them up in the Arabic-to-English dictionary, or have one of the friendly Muslins translate for you. Or just Google it? Those are the questions of a person who would rather set a million terrorists free to eat your children than to execute one or two innocent terrorists, to be on the safe side. The point is that Arabs or Arab sympathizers have gained access to a magical heat-sensitive chemical and used that chemical to attack our nation's most popular low-fare air carrier. Who knows what effect these inscrutable messages could have on passing tarmac workers or birds once that auxiliary power unit goes on?
And the greatest gob of spit in the eye of the soaring eagle by the name of America: "The airline denied that the vandalism posed a safety or security threat." Oh. Sure. I bet. But what are the chances that you'll see Obama or his Jews on your next Southwest Airlines flight? They talk a good game, but when it comes down to it, they're only playing Russian Roulette with your safety, not theirs. No thank you, sirs. Until this is settled, I won't be setting foot on a commercial airplane without a gun in my pocket. Or, if that's not allowed, something else I can use to defend myself.
Box cutter, maybe.