A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

Royal horror: Pippa Middle got into an upskirt photo situation at London Fashion Week. Now, the simplest way to avoid an upskirt photograph is to wear longer skirts or pants. (Or live in a world with civility. Hah! Right.) Unfortunately, starlets live in a world where the skirts are short, the cars are fancy and difficult to climb out of, and cameras are everywhere. Consequently, starlets' vaginas are in perpetual peril. How do they deal with this? Now presenting the Seven Highly Effective Habits of Starlets With Cameras Pointed Up Their Skirts.

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

1. The Hand Block

With her panties in peril, Pippa went for the hand block, flattening the hem of her skirt against her thighs with a pair of tightly balled fists. The hand block is popular because it is easy and quick—though not quick enough, in this case, to stop the photographer from getting one blurry crotch shot.

The downside of the hand block is that, since hands are of limited size, they may not block everything you need blocked. At right, Pippa is unable to hide the optical illusion of a vagina at the place where her inner thighs press together. [Images at left via Bauer-Griffin, at right via Getty]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

Other notable hand blocks: Rihanna, Kim Kardashian, Michelle Obama on a windy day. [Images via Bauer-Griffin, Pacific Coast News, AP]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

2. The Purse Block

Emma Watson demonstrates another popular blocking strategy, which doubles as a clever way for showing off your trendy accessories.

See also: Hayden Panettiere purse-blocking with a shiny clutch.

[Images via Pacific Coast News]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

3. Skortification

Skortification is the act of sweeping a flowing skirt between your legs, creating the temporarily illusion of a skort or shorts. Skortification is an inelegant solution: The best possible outcome is looking like you're waddling around in a giant diaper, or trying hard not to pee. Above, Lindsay Lohan and Kylie Jenner in varying states of skortification. Since Kylie is a child, we'd go to jail for looking at this picture if she weren't skortifying.

[LiLo via Splash, Kylie via Pacific Coast News]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

4. Stockings and Spanx

Stockings don't actually solve the problem of upskirt invasions, but they do mitigate it. Above, Paris Hilton maintains plausible deniability as she shows butt to the world, through a semi-transparent fig leaf known as "tights."

Spanx, on the other hand, lock your vagina (and butt and thighs and belly) in a spandex prison where nobody will ever see it. Kim Kardashian demonstrates here.

[Middle image via Bauer-Griffin, outer via Splash]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

5. Fancy Panties

But if you're an attention-seeking pretty thing, maybe you're OK with the occasional crotch shot. If this is the case, cute panties are advisable. Here are some brazen fancy panties flaunters, including Katie Price doing some personal branding in a pair of bedazzled "Mrs. Andre" knickers, celebrating her first marriage to singing reality show contestant Peter Andre.

See also: Paz de la Huerta's Agent Provocateur campaign.

[Britney via Pacific Coast News, Kourtney and Katie Price via Bauer-Griffin]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

6. Hide Your Face
But what if you didn't do any of the above, and suddenly you feel a breeze where normally there isn't one, and a thousand cameramen come running? Hide your face! If your face and vagina aren't in the same shot, the photo won't haunt you as much, because people have short attention spans, and only react if there is one salient image to sear into their brains. So drop your head, lower the brim of your hat, and look away. Kate Moss, Sarah Ferguson, and Katy Perry endorse this method.

[Images via Bauer-Griffin]

A Starlet's Guide to Dealing With Upskirt Photographs, Featuring Upskirt PhotographsS

7. Let It All Hang OutBut sometimes, starlets can't be bothered. Sometimes, vaginas want to be free. During her infamous vagina portrait session, Britney Spears slowly drew herself out of Paris Hilton's car, one leg at a time, affording the paparazzi nude upskirts from every possible angle. Why pay for a gynecologist when the paparazzi are willing and able?

[Images at left via Bauer-Griffin]