The Great Starbucks Laptop Hobo War Has Begun

Last month, word began circulating that laptop hobo headquarters Starbucks had a plan to force laptop hobos out of its precious coffee dispensaries. And now—judging by this lengthy blog post by a remarkably outraged man—the crackdown has begun.

JJ is a simple guy who lives in uptown Manhattan and works from home. He likes to go and work at Starbucks sometimes, so sue him, okay? Anyhow. Earlier this week he goes to Starbucks, gets his coffee and bagel, sits there and works for a few hours. Normal stuff. Until a suit-wearing Starbucks thug comes up and politely informs him that he must either buy another cup of coffee or leave.

Well. JJ left, humiliated. Is he not a man? Here, his heartfelt words of angst:

Do I want to file a law-suit against the company for discrimination and emotional distress? Absolutely not, although I know I would have a case for that. I'm just not a law-suit kinda guy. What I DO want is to be able to go into a Starbucks, enjoy my toasted bagel with cream cheese and bold coffee. I want to be able to sit down and get some work done in a place where I can be around other human beings; taking breaks to say hello to the complete stranger I'm sharing a table with; listening to the barista tell me with excitement that he gets off work at 3:15 and he doesn't have to work again until Friday; share a smile with yet another barista because I thought she said "you owe me 2 cents" when in reality she said "you owe me two-o-seven" after I used the remaining balance on a gift card; happily agreeing to watch a blonde-haired girl's laptop while she uses the restroom. THAT is what makes Starbucks…Starbucks. So I pose the question: Starbucks, what happened to you?

That is, perhaps, the very best description of what makes Starbucks Starbucks ever committed to blog. Must JJ and all of those like him resign themselves to a bleak future in which laptop hobos are accorded the shabby treatment usually reserved for non-laptop hobos? A chilling thought. If anyone has witnessed similar Starbucks outrages, email me. Together, we will complain. Complain. Complain!

[JJRoid.com. Photo: Daniel Lobo/Flickr]