The Fox News Guide to Giving a Deep-Tissue Orgasm

When he's not busy picking the next GOP nominee or calling NPR "Nazis," Fox News chief Roger Ailes apparently likes to assign web stories on how to digitally and orally stimulate your female partner to climax.

Yes, this exists, on FoxNews.com. It is a guide to giving orgasms to people "via a mix of manual and oral genital stimulation." (What, no loofah?) Anyway, the good people at Fox News would now like you to:

[S]tart off with a solid foundation of clitoral stimulation,

and then

face your partner while she is lying on her back and insert your index or middle finger into the vaginal canal (about an inch or so) and press upwards

before you

add in some genital massage, via stimulation of the mons pubis, which is also known as the mons veneris

all the while

apply[ing] stimulation to the area where the pubic mound intersects with the top of the vulva (just above the head of the clitoris), known as the front commissure.

One more word to the wise—when looking for the G-spot, it should feel "kind of like moving your fingers from a non-ridged potato chip to a ridged one."

So there you have it. That's the patented Fox News, Ailes-approved system for giving a deep-tissue orgasm to a lady while thinking about her hoo-ha like a Pringles chip, which you can read all about on the web site of America's Most Powerful News source.

[Thanks to Gawker commenter Alfasud]