We all hear stories about kids who are given ridiculous names—usually kids that are born to celebrities—but when you're looking to name your child, don't turn to a "baby name blog." They're full of horrible ideas too, like this one.
Appellation Mountain's Name of the Day today is Florida. Oh, this is just a very, very, very bad idea. If you name your daughter Florida you might as well just give her a meth habit and some Lucite high-heel platforms right now, because that's what you're going to get.
With all due respect to Ms. Florida Evans of Good Times fame, any child named Florida would now be taking on the responsibility of representing a state known for it's crazy crimes, outrageous citizens, and saddling us with George W. Bush as president. Yes, your little bundle of joy will singlehandedly be responsible for the war in Iraq, the national debt, and Jenna Bush. Just look at the stories about Florida. They're a cesspit of murdering wives, naked wanderers, marauding drag queens, and other sundried wackadoos.
Why do we even call these "baby names" anyway? It's not like baby names are like baby teeth and they eventually fall off and are replaced with something more mature and robust. It is just a name—no qualifier necessary. This is what an adult human will one day be called. Yes, your child will be stuck with that name forever, including those awkward teenage years. Then there's all the bad jokes the kids will make about your daughter, Florida, at school dances. They'll throw oranges at her and ask if they can go on the rides at her Epcot Center and ask if they're tall enough to ride the ride. I mean, why subject someone to this? Why? So if you have to name your daughter after a state, go with Montana or Carolina or Colorado. Shit, name her Rhode Island! Anything but Florida. Please.
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