Seton Hall in New Jersey is a pretty okay school, if you judge schools based on the historical performance of their basketball teams (as I do). And now, Seton Hall has a special bonus deal: smart person discount!
Let's say that you're not a good basketball player, but you're a smart kid, and you still want to attend Seton Hall University, for some reason. What to do? You apply early, you're accepted, but you don't want to make any commitments until you hear all about the financial aid packages that every other school will offer you. Well—if you act right now, Seton Hall's manager—and he must have woken up drunk again today to be offering a deal like this—has authorized it to offer you a 66% discount, up front. Can we take this conversation into Seton Hall's office and sign some fucking papers, or what?
Starting next year, Seton Hall University will try to ease that follow-up blow for early applicants with strong academic credentials, giving them two-thirds off the regular sticker price for tuition, a discount of some $21,000. For New Jersey residents, who constitute about 70 percent of Seton Hall's undergraduates, that would make the cost equivalent to that of Rutgers University, the state's flagship public institution; for those from out of state, the private school would be much cheaper than the public one.
Seton Hall can offer you a cup of coffee or any kind of soda you'd like as you sit in Seton Hall's air-conditioned waiting area and consider this offer—which is the first of its kind in America, according to the NYT. Seton Hall is only offering you this deal because you're a smart kid, okay? Seton Hall knows you'll make the right decision. But let's just keep this between you and Seton Hall right now. Seton Hall wouldn't want all the dumbs to start coming around, pounding on the door, asking for the same discount.