You know how you get all excited every time you go to the grocery store and there's someone serving up those free samples. That's about to be ruined forever. That's because one guy plead guilty to putting his jizz in a yogurt sample he served to a woman.
Anthony Garcia will appear in a New Mexico court next week to change his plea from not-guilty to guilty on one count of adulterating food and one of lying to federal prosecutors. He faces up to eight years in prison for both offense. Both of the charges stem from when Garcia was working at Sunflower Farmers Market in January and aggressively offered a female shopper a sample of yogurt. She finally tried and and decided it tasted disgusting, "like semen." Garcia, naturally, lied about putting his personal flavor in the yogurt and now he's in all this trouble.
The victim in this case and two other women are suing Garcia and the market for eating spunk in separate incidents. Apparently this was Garcia's M.O. Did he have some sort of fetish or something? It's always fun to crank one out when you're bored at work, but you should destroy the evidence, not bring it back to your desk, especially when your desk is a card table with a sad paper table cloth covered with some newfangled health food product or another. And just how did he get the juice in the yogurt anyway? Did he store it from before? Did he make a fresh deposit? What's the shelf life on that kind of white, creamy substance?
OK, now I'm thinking way too much about this. I'm just going to go back to "gross" and try to think of something else. And the next time someone in the Whole Foods asks me if I want to try some nuts, I'm going to punch them in the face.