Not even Canada wants Russell Brand. Gene Simmons finally gets married, which means he can have sex for the first time. Kim Kardashian is nice to someone. Sunday gossip is ready to go hunting at Rick Perry's camp!
- Russell Brand was denied entry to Canada on Saturday, presumably because he is really annoying and Canada would just prefer that he, like, not be over there. He was forced to cancel his performance at Casino Rama. Five months ago, Brand was deported from Japan, and, with the expected ratification of the U.N. Treaty on British Personalities, will soon be banned from all U.N. member states. [@RustyRockets]
- Cushion-faced amateur gender theorist Gene Simmons finally wed his girlfriend of 28 years, Shannon Tweed, in front of 400 guests at the Beverley Hills Hilton—only to have Tweed discover that Simmons' secret first wife had been locked in a hidden wing of their palatial estate for years, painting intricate patterns on hard-boiled eggs. [TMZ]
- Kim Kardashian and Selena Gomez were very supportive of Demi Lovato while she was seeking help for an eating disorder last year, because, keep smiling, keep shining, knowing you can always count on me, for sure—that's what friends are for. In good times, in bad times, I'll be on your side forever more. [NYDN]
- Journey guitarist Neal Schon serenaded his paramour Michaele Salahi at a concert last night, singing her "Happy Birthday" on stage before [gouges out entire face with grapefruit spoon] [TMZ]
- Hercules himself, Kevin Sorbo, had three strokes in the summer of 1997, a medical crisis that was kept secret from fans of the television series—until, that is, it was revealed this week to be the content of the secret Wikileaks "insurance file." [People]