Mysterious White Powder Terrorizes America Anew!S

Have you been under the impression that now, a decade after 9/11, you could stop fearing the ubiquitous Mysterious White Powder that could—at any moment—come spilling out of a nearby envelope, forcing you to evacuate your office? Wrong!

Mysterious White Powder continues to be America's number one terror threat. It's just dangerous enough that you cannot neglect its menace. Try this on for terror size: a man and woman are in critical condition after being found passed out in their car in a Long Island parking lot. Not just any car—"a car where a mysterious white powder was also discovered." That's just the beginning of its mysterious, white, powdery reign of ongoing terror, that is terrorizing our nation right now!

Nuts of the world: there's never been a better time to break out the baking soda!

[Image via Shutterstock]