Last night I was...well, I wasn't busy at all, but I didn't want to watch the sad, boring thing that is The A List. Dustin and Jayden were at the opening of a new country-themed gay bar Flaming Saddles, and here is what they had to say about the show.
"Girl, guess what?"
"All those bitches we always talk about..."
"You know like Austin..."
"Yup, she fat. And TJ..."
"Love. And Derek..."
"I know. And Rod-i-ney."
"Girl, she's harder to understand than a hustler giving a BJ in a hot tub."
(SNAPS) "And Mike Ruiz."
"She's the...Nevermind. And Auntie Ryan..."
"I have nothing to say."
"And Reichen, who I just can't stand."
"No one can lady, but at least you can hear her song, smell her scent, and see her penis on the internet!"
"Ugh, she's the living worst, girl. Did you see her perform in Atlantic City?"
"Yes. She had these sad backup dancers and she was performing in some club that looked like it was set up on the conference room at some hotel."
"Like she was performing on a stage left there from a bat mitzvah?"
"Exactly. Oh girl, so sad."
"Yeah, I was at Austin's bachelor party?"
"Where was that, the Olive Garden?"
"And isn't she already married?"
"Yeah, but she got drunk with her man and the only two queens in New York that will talk to her in Atlantic City."
"None of the other boys came?"
"Well, only on each other."
"No, they didn't go to the party. They all hate Austin."
"Because she fat?"
"Well, that and because her man cheated on her or some shit like that."
"Girl, that's so stupid."
"They're all stupid. All their fights are stupid."
"Yeah, girl. It's the same three fights over and over again."
"It's just so tedious."
"Isn't that the drag queen only only performs to Gaga songs: Tedious!"
"Tedious better work!"
"She's way more fun than these clowns."
"So, what did you want to tell me about them?"
"Well, to me. They're dead to me."
"Yeah, me too. We need some new bitches to make fun of."
"How about each other?"
"No girl, that's too easy."
"Maybe we should stop making fun of people. Maybe we should just let them live their lives and dye their hair blonde and be fat and have stupid perfumes and wig lines and fight about silly things at parties that no one else goes to. Maybe we should just ignore them altogether, you know. They want this attention, why don't we just not give it to them. We could focus on improving ourselves and making our lives better and helping charities that we really care about. We could really do something great!"
"God, that sounds really...."
"No, queen. Boring!"
"Yeah, I guess you're right."