The internet is full of depressing things. Sometimes it's snuff films. Sometimes it's racism. And sometimes it's Brides.com's bizarrely retro "Waiting for the Ring" forum, where unmarried women come together to beat their breasts and keen while waiting for men to propose marriage.
I just joined Brides.com, and was pleasantly surprised to see this particular thread, because I too am waiting on my man for a proposal, and have been waiting for what feels like for-freaking-ever. I don't wish the feelings of sadness, impatience, and envy of others who have what I want on anyone, but I have to say that it's nice to know I am not the only one in this boat.
But BrunetteBride2013's boyfriend doesn't want to marry until they achieve financial stability. So she was like, "Buy this ring for me in 14 months, on this special day I chose," and he was like "OK." And now BrunetteBride2013 is beside herself. The waiting! Oh, the waiting. How it drives her mad. A terrible Chinese water torture of flower-bouquet fantasies and Save-the-Date dreams:
So, here I am, obsessing over Vegas wedding chapels, dresses, engagement rings (I can't decide on a style or stone for the life of me). I honestly don't know how I am going to get through the next 14 months. I just know that time is going to c-r-a-w-l.
Anyone got advice on how to deal with this most painful of predicaments, the exquisite torture of not being engaged? Ooh, here comes grizzled veteran advice-giver Aunt:
I am 57 years old and have seen a lot of Life in my time.
This guy doesn't want to marry you. He wants to string you along for as long as possible.
You are 30 years old, and he won't be "ready" to even be ENGAGED for another 14 months??!!??
This is all baloney.
Let's look at it this way: Let's say you manage to pay everything off. All credit cards, student loans, everything. Let's say you get some money ahead so you can take your Las Vegas trip. Let's say you get married.
Now, two months after you get married, someone gets laid off. Someone gets sick and can't work. The roof leaks and you have a giant bill from the roofer. Your car is wrecked. Whatever.
Due to these unforeseen circs, you are back to pinching pennies. What happens now? Do you call off the marriage? Do you get divorced because the conditions on which he has based the engagement and the marriage are no longer met?
Fellow ring-anticipating torture victim AlmostMrsGarner chimes in:
I'm sad to say that I agree with Aunt..
if we all "waited to be financially set" to do stuff no one would EVER get married or have kids..
to think that your impending marriage is dependant on money is a lame attempt to string you along. All the other excuses on top of that are just a cop out..
i too am waiting for a proposal but its only been a year and when i bring it up he says he wants me to be blown away with a surprise and its all set. I work on not talking about it because i dont want to ruin my own surprise. We aren't always in the best financial position either because of self employment, but if he said that he was waiting on a proposal because of that, i would definitely think twice on how much he truely loved me.
I'm so sorry to say all that because it will more than likely hurt your feelings and instill doubt but you should REALLY stop and look at the whole big picture.. get on with it or move on sweetie.. You're worth more than that and if he doesnt understand that and respect that, someone else will!