Behold, the ne plus ultra of American innovation: Pizzametry, an automated machine capable of making custom pizzas in mere minutes, while you watch TV. Let us marvel at the pneumatic glory of Pizzametry spinning dough, slicing pepperonis, squirting sauce, and sprinkling cheese.

Pizzametry has a flat-screen TV mounted on it, so you can learn about your pizza and watch music videos while you wait. Someday, all Americans will be born with Pizzametry machines glued to their faces. We'll never have to expend energy to cook or entertain again!


Pizzametry is not the world's first pizza machine. (At left, primitive Italian pizza machine "Let's Pizza.")


It is, however, the world's most aggressively American pizza machine. Pizzametry inventor Puzant Khachadourian says he migrated to New York "virtually penniless" fifty years ago, "a Horatio Alger story waiting to happen." He enjoyed a fruitful career as a jeweler, but his dream now is to provide fresh pizza and pizza-related entertainment to wearied travelers in airport terminals, ailing senior citizens at hospitals, and noble servicemen on Army bases. Long live Puzant Khachadourian! He is the American dream. [Pizzametry, Gothamist]

Correction: This post originally claimed Pizzametry could make 150 different types of pizzas. Pizzametry can make many types of pizza, but 150 refers to how many pizzas Pizzametry can make before it runs out of ingredients, requiring refill. Thanks, se7a7n7.