Old People Are Using the Internet to Do the NastyS

While American society has traditionally eschewed the practice of setting elderly people adrift on floating chunks of ice, we have embraced the next best thing: sequestering old people in their own buildings, communities, or suburbs, and ignoring them completely. Who knows, or cares, what they are up to? We prefer to focus on the youthful and ostensibly sexually available people pictured on the teevee.

Sadly, sometimes news of the elderly's activities filters out to the rest of us, and we are forced to think about them. If it's just your standard news of them falling and being unable to get up, then fine; we're used to that. But we expressly do not want to hear about the love and/ or sex life of the olds. That is a standing order, everyone.

Nevertheless, the New York Times trend desk has gone and written a piece on how all the old people are doing online dating now. Have they all managed to "learn computers" from mail-order DVDs already? Shame. It doesn't take much reading between the lines to appreciate the underlying message here: old people aren't looking for someone to knit tea cozies with—unless those tea cozies are shaped like sex organs.

[Natalie Friend, 65,] said she was looking for a "playmate" when she joined SeniorPeopleMeet.com, not husband No. 3.

U nasty, gurl.

Dating industry professionals say that singles in their 20s and 30s are typically focused on marriage and starting a family, while older singles (many of whom have been married before) have a more relaxed approach and are careful to pick companions who share their interests.

Uhhh yeah, interests in having nasty old sexxx all over the Tempurpedic Adjustable Bed! Fine, NYT trend-pushers, we get it, okay? Retirement communities are veritable L trains of computer lust. Don't talk about it any more. Stop now. No more words about the filthy assignations of the elderly.

In time, we can forget this ever happened.

[NYT, photo via Shutterstock]