Ashton's Mistress: 'I ––––ed Ashton Kutcher on Friday Night, LOL'S

Naked hot tub ladies describe their tryst with Ashton Kutcher. Willow Smith collaborates with Nicki Minaj. Jennifer Aniston says there is "no desperation" in her life. Michelle Pfeiffer thinks plastic surgery is "sad." Thursday gossip kisses and tells.

  • L'Affair Dashton continues. Amid reports that Demi Moore left husband of six years Ashton Kutcher, pictures from Ashton's naked hot tub party night with four "busty blondes" and one guy named Jacques have surfaced. (None seem to contain nudity, but lots of sitting around hanging out with hotties in tank tops.) Of Ashton's rumored fling with naked hot tub girl Sara Leal, fellow naked hot tub girl Megan McNutt says in a video interview, "Ashton and Sara definitely boned. They definitely hooked up, there was definitely sex involved." Also: "He was acting like a guy who was single. He was mingling. Doing his thing."

    Star published a text message Sara allegedly sent to a friend: "I [bleeped] Ashton Kutcher Friday night, lol." Everytime I see the word [bleep] in a printed sentence, I fly into a rage. Bleep is a sound effect! Why would you type out the onomatopoetic term for an irritating noise, when you could literally use any symbol, word, or even a blank void to signify the absence of something you cannot print? To quell my violent rage at the sight of a [bleep], I'm going to pretend this is curse-word Mad Libs. "I cunt-kicked Ashton Kutcher." "I crap-attacked Ashton Kutcher." "I shitted upon Ashton Kutcher." Nothing like creative swearing to soothe an angry soul. But seriously, it's almost definitely "fucked," right? [Life & Style, Star, Radar, images via Getty and Jezebel]

  • Salma Hayek: "I'm nobody's Barbie." She is even capable of un-pointing her feet. [People, Redbook]
  • Willow Smith recorded a song wth Nicki Minaj. It's called "Fireball." [@OfficialWillow, MTV]
  • Ashton's Mistress: 'I ––––ed Ashton Kutcher on Friday Night, LOL'SJennifer Aniston on whether she wants babies: "It's not what you read. There's no desperation. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. I'm at peace with whatever the plan is." Then she put on a pair of saggy-butt comfy pants, curled up in a beanbag chair, and wept into a bag of Funyuns. Her salty tears mixed with the synthetic onion stuff, making it into Funyun soup. Top with Kraft Easy Cheese, microwave for two minutes. Ta-da! French Funyun Soup. (Poor Jen. So sad.) [Elle, Celebitchy]
  • Speaking of which, OK! says Jen is already pregnant, you can tell from her "bigger boobs" and "curvier booty." [OK!]
  • Michelle Pfeiffer on plastic surgery: "I'm all for a little something here and there-fine. It doesn't matter to me if people have plastic surgery or they don't, or if they do Botox. But when people don't look like themselves anymore, that's when you kind of go, 'Oooh,' and it's kind of sad." Got a bad feeling we might be quoting that back to you someday, Michelle. [Elle]
  • Celebrities: Stop debuting your babies. They all look the same, and you never say anything interesting about them, anyway. Re: Jessica Alba. [People]
  • Depressing Michael Jackson trial output of the day: A recording of Jacko slurring, "I didn't have a childhood." [TMZ]