You Cannot Stop Junk Food From Eating Your Children

You may think that you're one of those "good" parents. You read to your kids at night, and you don't let them play with guns, and you stripped most of the lead paint out of the playroom. Well, according to the latest scientific study, it's safe to give up. Your kids will inevitably die of McChicken-related diabetes sooner or later, no matter what you do.

The study indicates that all of the love, caring, devotion, attention, and guidance that you give to your child is far less influential than a single fast food commercial.

Among the children who saw the commercial for French fries, 71 percent chose the coupon for French fries if their parents remained neutral, while only 55 percent opted for the French fries coupon if their parents encouraged them to choose the healthy food.

So you, who gave birth to this child and changed his or her diapers, have it in your power to very moderately influence said child's predilection for french fries immediately following an ad for same. Of course the moment you step away your whelp will proceed to shovel the toasted starch into his maw until his bloodstream is little more than a river of saturated fats, at which point he will take to his easy chair to while away the remainder of his short life as a homebound testament to the delterious effects of a McFood addiction. Perhaps you can get him on one of those TLC "Fat Virgin" shows, to bring in a few bucks. I wouldn't count on retiring any time soon. Baby needs Value Meals.

[USA Today, photo via Dave Fischoff/Flickr]