Hargrave Custom Yachts doesn't just make the best customized yachts we know of (disclaimer: it's the only customized yacht company we know of)—it also follows the zeitgeist like a Minnesota babysitter follows a porny plot-line. Hence its astute observation that in today's America, yachts are no longer mere luxuries but required for survival.

A tipster directed us to the current edition of Yachts International magazine, where—if you can use its horrific page viewer mechanism for more than 15 seconds without throwing your computer out the nearest window—you can see Hargrave's new ad on page 89. (We've also reproduced it at right.) Who absolutely must own a yacht in today's world, and why is yacht ownership is so critical now? As for the first question: yachts are must-haves for successful people, which means anyone who is rich. As for the second question: Because of the War on Wealth being waged by the Robin Hoodlums in the Obama administration and their prosperity-loathing minions.

The open letter from CEO Michael Joyce to all successful people elaborates:

"Years ago buying a yacht like the 136' Hargrave 'DREAMER' pictured above was fun and exciting and represented a once-in-a-lifetime reward for those of you who made the sacrifices and paid the price to reach the pinnacle of your profession.

Today things have changed and successful people have now become the target of every two bit politician from the White House on down, tolerated by most on the right and vilified by most on the left. It almost seems like when they are not discussing ways to take away your personal assets they are drafting some piece of legislation that will shut down your business.

All rich people want is acceptance and a place where they can escape from "the insanity of today's world," which they are responsible for perpetuating. The only places where they can find acceptance on the fucked-up planet that they keep destroying with their greed and lies is in their very own 136-foot yachts, and in the embracing arms of boat industry leaders. As Joyce writes:

If you ever get discouraged and think nobody in the world cares about you and your dreams, trust me, the boating industry does!

Everyone deserves love. Everyone rich, at least.

[Thanks to Lance for the tip!]