Tips for Laid-Off Wall Street Losers

This isn't all about you, Main Street: Wall Street is going to lose 10,000 jobs by the end of next year, according to New York's comptroller. On top of more than 20,000 jobs already lost since 2008. That's a lot of unemployed bankers wandering around in a semi-fugue state!

When these tens of thousand of dazed, rumpled suit-wearing post-bankers wake up on Unemployment Day One, what are they to do with themselves? Probably get totally wasted for the first week or two. But then what? Some suggestions for a post-banking life, in a post-Wall Street world.

  • Thank God you're out of there.
  • Just lay around, spending all that money you made.
  • Look on the bright side: now you can start mocking the private jet industry like everyone else.
  • Personal training, personal training, personal training.
  • Finally have time to read Das Kapital.
  • Move to white part of Brooklyn. Embrace "hip" Brooklyn trends. Grow sick of said trends. Become filled with self-loathing. Reject your Brooklyn lifestyle experiment and return to the business world, just in time for "returning to the business world" to become the latest Brooklyn trend.
  • Make yourself useful for once.
  • Occupy Wall Street.
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