Last night, the Discovery Channel debuted American Guns, which is sort of like American Chopper, but lethal weaponry instead of lethal two-wheeled vehicles. (Really got a lockdown on elaborate redneck toys, don't they?)

The show follows a family of Colorado gun dealers, and the premiere is an NRA wet dream: Weaponry savant and independent business owner Rich Wyatt throws $20,000 into a duffel bag and attempts to buy an arsenal off an eccentric Texas rancher, while dutiful son Kurt and bubble-boobed daughter Paige compete to win a Colt AR-15. Did I mention that Paige wears belly tops and carries a frilly purse dog everywhere she goes? She's the Daisy Duke of this place. When her brother gets mad at her, he hides her dog on a ledge atop a gun rack, where she can't reach it.

Anyway, Rich says whichever child sells more guns during the shop's annual motorcycle rally will earn his love, as symbolized by this ginormous deadly weapon.


Gesturing towards her breasts, Paige notes, "Guys want to buy from me, not Kurt." Predictably, she wins the contest. Her reward: Getting to shoot at a motorcycle until it blows up. [Discovery Channel]