As long as we allow her husband to occupy the White House, First Lady Michelle Obama is determined to continue her dangerous crusade to get America's kids in shape. Who is that lady to tell my baby he ain't eating right?

Comeuppance was the order of day yesterday when Michelle gathered hundreds of children on the White House lawn in order to break the world record for jumping jacks. The Washington Post's crack gossip correspondent was on the scene to describe the Hindenburgesque chaos (recorded in the video above) that ensued as American children, trained only in couch-sitting and McNugget-dipping, were shocked by the twin overstimuli of jumping and close proximity to political celebrity:

Obama began jumping jacks at the stroke of 3 p.m.; the kids broke ranks and pressed around her, some jumping jacks, some just bouncing up and down and mugging for the cameras. At the end of the minute, the tiny mob rushed the first lady. . . and almost knocked her down.

The Secret Service "swooped in" to restore order, and prevent the First Lady from being eaten by voracious children who had not been able to avail themselves of fast food facilities for upwards of 15 minutes. No children were shot. But they wouldn't have been very hard to hit, if you know what we mean.

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[Reliable Source]