Fox News Boldly Declares Sexy Women the Funniest Women

It's rare that you come across an article and, upon reading it, wonder to yourself "Is this the most horrifying thing ever written?" But occasionally there are things like this, an article on Fox News' website bearing the title "New Crop of Comediennes Combine Funny Bones With Banging Bodies." Terrific!

The article begins auspiciously, setting the scene of How We Live Now:

Seth Rogen, Jonah Hill and Ricky Gervais all lost their jiggles, but kept their giggles.
But they're still not what one would call exactly sexy.
The latest crop of successful funny gals, however, are both hilarious and hot.

Oh are they? Tell me more, article!

Some of our favorite "old-skool" sitcom stars like Jennifer Aniston, Jane Krakowski and Julia Louis-Dreyfus have transformed themselves in recent years from somewhat awkward to stylish sex symbols.
"For women, frump isn't funny any longer. The new female comedian has to be the sexual aggressor, sexually provocative, dominant and successful," says entertainment expert Patrick Wanis.

This is Patrick Wanis, by the way. Expert! Tell us more, Hollywood genius.

"Rosie O'Donnell and Janeane Garofalo will be relegated to playing the female versions of Chris Farley. Hollywood doesn't want a woman that is not sexually enticing like Rosie; it wants the sexual alpha female," he said. "The same trend is being seen on reality TV [with] Snooki and all the ‘Housewives.'"

Snooki. Paragon of sexiness.

This is all packaged around a press interview with Carrie Keagan, a blonde lady who hosts a morning chat show on VH1. All this for an interview with a cable morning show host. Also, remember when Melissa McCarthy, who does not exactly possess a "banging body," won an Emmy for comedy like a few weeks ago? Guess that never happened! Far better to talk about relevant cultural figures like Rosie O'Donnell and Janeane Garofalo. No political agenda there!

Good work, everyone.