Reality television has folded in on itself so many times, parody versions are barely distinguishable from the real thing. Case in point: The contestants of Survivor with their hands tied behind their backs, tearing at pig carcasses with their mouths. With their gaping maws full of animal flesh, they race to a pair of bins to spit the meat out. They are judged by the amount of meat they hoarded.

Theory: Animalistic reality TV humiliation is an evolutionary adaptation. To counterbalance the stunning progress humankind has made in technology and engineering, we must stoop extraordinarily low in the entertainment field, lest we lose touch with our survival instincts, and go extinct next time there's a BlackBerry outage. In a dystopic future, humanity will divide into hundreds of nomadic tribes, each led by a different Survivor contestant turned warlord. [Survivor, tip via paranoidemdroid]