Gap Stores Wither and Die: Bland Uniformity SuffersS

Do you frequently shop at undistinguished clothing store "[Just, no 'The'] Gap?" Haha, what is wrong with you? Bad news, friend: you should know that you are not participating in the current popular fashion trends!

Gap's just a bunch of plain old boring clothes that cool people don't even wear, or like, or shed in suggestive ways in advertisement photos while looking like they sure are ready to have some sex. It's always a bad sign when a fashion brand gets far more press for changing its logo than it ever does for any of its clothes. Also, when you build a Gap next to an Old Navy next to a Banana Republic in every god damn forlorn strip mall in suburban American hell, it tends to erode your "brand aura," because unattractive people—like Americans—start wearing your stuff. Gap is not cool! That's why profits are down, and also why they are about to start shutting down their stupid stores left and right. The WSJ reports:

Gap, which also owns the Old Navy and Banana Republic chains, said Thursday it will shrink its network of Gap stores in North America to 700 by the end of 2013, down 189, or 21%, from the 889 stores open at the end of June.

Hey, will you guys let me know where to take advantage of the great prices at the upcoming Gap going-out-of-business sales? My friend wants to know (total dork). Please send me any coupons as well, I will forward to him (loser).

[WSJ, photo via Sean/Flickr]