You might have heard that old joke, "How does every racist joke start?" and then the person looks over his shoulder. It's true! No one wants people to think they're a racist, especially racists. Well, we're finally sick of them.
This week we're getting rid of one of the good old, "I'm not a racist, but..." commenters. Here's one from our old friend tastylikes while talking about the (sure to be awesome) all-black remake of Steel Magnolias.
Not to sound racist, but BET Steel Magnolias? Hell. The fuck. NO. Those people (yes, thooose people) already ruined Death At A Funeral, Wizard of Oz, Guess Who's Coming to Dinner.. Write your own damn stuff, thieves.
Without fail, whenever someone starts off with "Not to sound racist..." they then go and say something racist. (Also, has he even seen Ms. Diana Ross in The Wiz? Heresy!)
Today I'm also coming after people who start comments with, "I don't want to be a grammar Nazi, but..." or "I don't want to be mean, but..." and other similar variations. You're about to be a grammar Nazi and/or mean, so don't pretend like you don't want to be. Just be it and own it. Unless you're about to be a racist. Then shut up or go away. Actually, do both.
Slow news day?
Let me clue you all into something: We don't post anything that we don't think is funny or educational or stupid or interesting or crazy or informative or otherwise redeeming in some way. Sometimes, yes, there are slow news days, but that doesn't mean we just post anything. So, just cut it out and enjoy the damn article. Or don't. But if you don't, at least have an actual reason for not liking it if you make a comment.
Remember what we covered last week, about not popping into an article to point out that you didn't read it and/or don't care about it? Some people weren't listening. Johne gets the boot for this comment, which, when you think about it, is sort of a blend of both a racist and "slow news day?" comment. And MosesZefron will be banished for this comment.
Don't repeat mistakes we've already covered. This executing is exhausting enough as it is. Good thing it's a slow news day. Now I'll have time for a nap.
A Few Notes & How to Submit Nominations
All decisions about commenter executions are final. There is no appeal, though bribery is sometimes acceptable depending on the severity of the offense and the amount of the bribe. Executed commenters may be allowed back after a suitable period of exile.
Because this process is to better the community, citizen's arrests for unruly commenters are welcome and encouraged. Executions can be based on a single incident or general and prolonged suckiness. Please submit your nominations to email@example.com.
Please include your rationale for execution and a link to the specific comment (you can get the direct link by clicking on the comment's timestamp) for evidence. Any commenter who submits a successful accusation for execution will be rewarded and deputized with a gold star. Happy commenting, and God bless our first responders!