Another day, another bit of time spent with the dilapidated horseshoe crabs over at Fox & Friends. Once again they were discussing this curious thing called Occupy Wall Street and today they focused on how these weirdos feed themselves.
Specifically, the pile of regurgitated Crispix cereal that we call Gretchen Carlson spoke to us about how the OWS protestors are being fed gourmet meals prepared by a chef who is donating his time to prepare fancy food for everybody. The various "Chez Zuccotti" menus (which Gretchen pronounces "Chef Zuccotti") include crazy things like "quinoa salad" (what most hippies are made of) and three, count 'em three, different kinds of potatoes. One of the potatoes is from Peru! "Peruvian!!!" Gretchen declares with awe. Talk about some East Coast elite motherfuckers. Gretchen only eats the small sour stink-potatoes she digs up in her backyard with a broken butter knife, but these fancy protestors — who are both disgusting hippies and spoiled bobos — eat three kinds of Peru potatoes like they're millionaires. Well, Gretchen will stick with her single American stink-potato on a plate, thank you very much.
Then Brian Kilmeade, America's answer to the question "What if meatloaf could talk?", chimes in about all that money that has been donated to OWS, causing the confused old woman who calls herself "Steve Doocy" to make a crack about their taxes and, as always, what should just be a genial, silly human interest story is framed in a pointed, dumbly mocking political way. Expert work as always, gang.