The rogue, herpes-infected monkey who escaped from that exotic animal jail in Zanesville, Ohio—and subsequently ran from the sheriffs who shot up all its friends—was supposedly been eaten by one of the escaped big cats. "It looks like everything is taken care of," a conservationist told CNN. "There was one monkey left, and right now, we found a carcass of the monkey. We don't know if it was eaten." RIP, Last Monkey Standing.
Not sure how this will affect the future of @herpesmonkey, the monkey's pretend Twitter. "I may or may not be inside a lion's stomach right now. Can anyone confirm?" it asked the world last night, after paying respects to @zanesvillewolf. The @ZanesvilleLion hasn't let death stop it from tweeting (social media is addictive), so maybe we'll see some senselessly murdered exotic animal fanfic emerge. @zanesvillebear and @ZanesvilleTiger are getting set up at their new place (the zoo) and tweeting about that.
I guess we should expect every newsworthy animal to receive its own Twitter from now on. At least there are things we can still count on in life.