Glenn Beck Hopes to Convert Megachurch Into TV Camelot

Over the summer we told you how fading fuckwad Glenn Beck was fleeing the liberal north to go inhabit his own $20,000-a-month rental Alamo in Dallas. Well, he must feel at home in his new hometown, because now he wants to turn an old megachurch in the Dallas suburbs into the headquarters for GBTV.com—his subscriber-based Internet cry- and clown-porn channel.

According to the Southlake Journal, Beck's proposal for the 60,774-square-foot building includes a 1,700-seat auditorium, production studios, and an eight-foot fortress wall—the latest in a long line of Glenn Beck walls. (So openly emotional in public, yet so secretive in private—what a paradoxical and complex figure! Glenn Beck is fascinating.) Beck should hook up some sort of water-spritzing device and turn his brand-new barrier into a Weeping Wall for his guests' enjoyment/emotional purging.

It's implied that God, whose house Beck would be occupying, is totally on board with the project—which you can inspect for yourself via these official planning papers and pretty maps. However, God doesn't serve on either the zoning board or the city council—the bureaucratic bodies in whose hands the future of Beck's media empire lies. Some of the church's neighbors sound iffy on the plan, so it's possible that Beck will be turned away, like some under-appreciated outcast, and he will have to find some other megachurch or, better yet, an underground bunker made of concrete that will protect him from radiation and socialism creep.

[Southlake Journal, planning docs via Dallas Observer. Image via Getty]