After going crazy and banning multiple people for multiple offenses last week, I've decided to give the mighty banhammer a rest this week and teach you all about one of the newest commenting features here at Gawker.
You might have noticed that there are now short comments that have a little "?" icon next to them that can't be replied to. That's because now replies are automatically disabled on comments that are shorter than 35 characters. This measure was taken to cut down on some dumb behavior—like people who post "FIRST!" or "+1"—so now if those comments do appear, they can be moved into the great void beyond without taking all your witty replies along with them.
For those of you who don't want to count to 35, here is a good measuring stick to use: The sentence This is only thirty-five characters is actually 36 characters long. If your comment is this long or longer, other commenters will be allowed to reply to it. Of course, there are plenty of comments worth making that are less than 35 characters long, so please continue to make them. But if you want people to reply, add another little something extra to pad out the comment. (But don't use "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" or "HAHAHAAHAHAHA" or ".............." or something else annoying like that. Use real words like a person, thank you.)
That is the end of our lesson and this week's bloodless Banhammer.
Oh, wait! Someone left an idiotic rant about Hilary Clinton and someone else left an idiotic rejoinder to an otherwise good comment. Sorry, SluabhaElephat and leeward0016001: It looks like you didn't escape the Banhammer after all.
A Few Notes & How to Submit Nominations
All decisions about commenter executions are final. There is no appeal, though bribery is sometimes acceptable depending on the severity of the offense and the amount of the bribe. Executed commenters may be allowed back after a suitable period of exile.
Because this process is to better the community, citizen's arrests for unruly commenters are welcome and encouraged. Executions can be based on a single incident or general and prolonged suckiness. Please submit your nominations to email@example.com.
Please include your rationale for execution and a link to the specific comment (you can get the direct link by clicking on the comment's timestamp) for evidence. Any commenter who submits a successful accusation for execution will be rewarded and deputized with a gold star. Happy commenting, and may we wish you a million replies!