Neighbors Ask Occupy Wall Street to Stop Pooping All Over Everything

The most contentious issue of Occupy Wall Street, besides whether or not there needs to be a fundamental restructuring of America's political and economic systems, is human waste. The Occupiers' Manhattan neighbors want them to stop pooping all over the place.

At a two-hour meeting last night, neighbors around Zuccotti Park complained that protesters "urinated in the streets and beat drums in the middle of the night," according to the Associated Press. The board unanimously voted to recognize the occupation's right to assemble, but not its right to poop everywhere.

"They're defecating on our doorsteps," community board member Catherine Hughes told the AP. Oh come on, we haven't seen any proof that protesters have been pooping on doorsteps. Just cop cars! Knowing Bloomberg, he will fight this problem by erecting dozens of "Please curb your protester" signs with little complimentary doggie bags.

Protesters should add "more public restrooms" to their list of demands. After all, the 1% gets to cruise around the city in Town Cars, using golden chamberpots in their cars, while the 99% has to sneak into the nearest bar like it's Mission Impossible.

[Image via AP]