Hollywood child bride Courtney Stodden and her 51-year-old husband Doug Hutchison stopped by their local pumpkin patch over the weekend to purchase a pumpkin that they could carve into something scarier than their May-Spooktember relationship, if that's even possible (no). But some miserable jealous shoppers who have never known true love spotted them behaving "inappropriately" amidst the gourds and complained to a pumpkin patch patrol unit, who kicked the couple right on outta there. Seems the hateful Halloween horde also didn't like Stodden's outfit of frightfully immodest Daisy Dukes, a plaid shirt tied Daisy Duke-ily in the front, and knee-high white go-go boots—even though it's what she (probably) wore to church. (Women's fashion tip: when running agriculture-related errands, wear flats instead of stripper shoes so that your heels don't get stuck in the dirt.)
While we're talking about clothes, Old Husband-son showed up to the patch looking like he'd been hauling broken old septic tanks to the dump all day, or stealing copper wire out of homes under construction in some haunted suburban subdivision. Yet he was still dressed more appropriately than his wife. (Men's fashion tip: It's now a standard practice to take a photographer every time you and your child bride hit the pumpkin patch.) Seriously, these two should just go as "creepily married Hollywood couple" this Halloween. Save some money, use it to buy Courtney some pants.