Seven Billion People And No Jobs

By the end of this month, the Earth will have its seven billionth human. By the same time, we'll be down to three jobs. Funny how things work out sometimes.

Quite an accomplishment, reaching the ol' seven bil mark. Way to fuck heedlessly with no regard for macroeconomic trends, world people. There's nothing less romantic than discussing your future spawn's bleak prospects for competing in the global economy during that "special moment." Let it fly and let the chips fall where they may, I say. Specifically, the "chips" will be computerized and "fall" into machines, which will take your jobs. The job market for automatons is booming. Whether you're an industrial assembly robot or just a computer mainframe capable of producing a synthetic voice sufficiently even-toned to placate an angry caller to a corporation's impenetrable customer service phone system, this economy was built for you.

Humans, though? Hmmm. Let me just check and see what we have for you... yeah. Hmm. You know, at the moment, with the housing market irreparably crippled and a recession looming in Europe and American manufacturers ready to cut further into their already-chipped bones, our opportunities are a little thin at the moment, for humans. Do you have experience working in a hedge fund? Haha, kidding, I know you don't. And of course hedge funds are also cutting back, so they wouldn't have hired you anyhow. Funny joke though.

I find that a good way to take your mind off your troubles is to stop thinking about yourself so much. Life is not all about you, and the fact that the hospital kicked you out because Medicaid patients are limited to ten days of health a year, okay? Think about others—like the 1%. What a wild ride they've had lately! Will their investment-based income be up this year, or will it be down slightly? Who knows! Always some drama in the 1% life. I wouldn't wish their uncertainty and yearly tax preparation issues on anyone.

We hope this little trick makes you feel a little better. Stop obsessing about the coming US debt downgrade and the certainty that it will only exacerbate the growing control of our economy by unfeeling machines with which you can never hope to compete. There's almost seven billion of us out there, guys. Surely you can find someone to rob.

[Photo: David Shankbone/ Flickr]