Jessica Simpson Is Hugely Pregnant, Why Won't She Admit It?S

Jessica Simpson flaunts her baby bump, but refuses to discuss it. George Clooney's lady wrestler lover cashes in on fame. Lindsay Lohan "parts ways" with her business manager. Mel Gibson spends a night not getting drunk. Monday gossip profits.

  • Jessica Simpson is sooooooo pregnant. Look how big her belly was at JFK this weekend! Apparently she was hoping to sell her baby news to a media outlet for $500,000, but the deal never came together, and now her belly is so big she can't even sell the news, because everybody already knows it. (There's no chance she just feels like being private. No, seriously, have you seen her reality shows? There's actually no chance she cares about privacy.) Conclusion: The monetary value of a baby bump declines at an equal and inverse rate to the life-giving likelihood of said bump.

    But there's still hope! If you were to chart these rising and falling values on a graph of some sort, you would also have to draw a dotted, half-invisible line representing value of the first post-birth interview and baby pictures. I am of the opinion that baby pictures are worthless shams (They all look the same!) unless there's something surprising about the baby. Like, say, it is half cat. By avoiding comment on her unborn cat baby, Jess increases the value of her first post-birth interview, because it will be the first time anyone gets to ask, "How do you feel about your daughter having whiskers and a tail? Now, is that pattern on her haunches 'calico' or 'tortoiseshell'? Sorry, always mix those two up."

    In other news, check out Ashlee Simpson and her adorable half Wentz, half lamb baby, in the background of the picture in the middle. [TMZ, Celebitchy, Radar, image via Splash]
  • Speaking of baby-beast shapeshifters, Selma Blair's newborn son "looks like a turtle." [Us]
  • Now that she's dating George Clooney, reality star female wrestler Stacy Keibler has raised her personal appearance fee from $10,000 to $25,000. For an extra 5K, she'll throw in a funny story about Clooney's bathroom habits. [P6]
  • Lindsay Lohan has "parted ways" with her business manager. Apparently she "wanted someone who could put more effort into her." [TMZ]
  • AnnaLynne McCord's actor boyfriend Dominic Purcell is in Malaysia filming a movie about Vikings, and the point is supposed to be this quote where AnnaLynne gripes about getting horny in his absence, but I'm stuck on the fact that a Viking movie is filming in Malaysia. Are they tropical Vikings? "He's channeling Daniel Day Lewis right now from Last of the Mohicans, and I think it's really sexy." Most ethnically confused Viking sex objects ever. [Us]
  • Mel Gibson hosted a party and didn't get drunk. Guess we can forgive him for hating Jews, now. [P6]