Meghan McCain to Occupy Wall Street: I Totally Know Where You're Coming FromS

The long-awaited Meghan McCain dispatch from the front lines of Occupy Wall Street has arrived—and she supports their message! This is because she doesn't understand the mathematical concepts underlying "99%" and "1%."

Meghan McCain, the witless daughter of a rage-addled ghoul and a dead-eyed multimillionaire, writes her thoughts down on her iPhone and sends them to Tina Brown, who puts them on her Daily Beast internet web site. Today's column recounts McCain's visit to Zuccotti Park, where we spotted her last week tirelessly and diligently conducting research.

Today's installment recounts that monumental day, and the life-lessons it had in store for McCain. What did she learn? Well she had to wade through distracting clouds of pot smoke—which, for the record, Meghan McCain, who is 27 years old, cannot stand—and talk to at least one weirdo, but after braving the protest's darker side, she burrowed down to its secret, beating heart to find one earth-shattering truth: There are poor people.

But most of the people who I spoke to had real stories of hardship and despair.... Bob told me he had his own cleaning service for eight years, but once the recession hit, he went out of business. "I am here for an overall change in the government that is being controlled by big business and they are not giving us the opportunities we are entitled to have," he said. "This here, it isn't a social thing, I am here because everything that has been going on has hit everyone in the heart."

And that's how Meghan McCain became radicalized.

I'm the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics and I have been given every opportunity that anyone could possibly dream of. I was given those opportunities as a result of the hard work from both sides of my family. What struck me more than anything is that for the first time possibly in history, people aren't being given the same opportunities that my parents and grandparents had.

It's impossible to overstate the shock to the system a realization like this has to someone in McCain's position. For the first time in history, people aren't being given the opportunity to be born the son of an admiral who commanded the Pacific fleet or the daughter of one of the richest men in Arizona. Let that sink in for a moment. ("I'm the daughter of one of the most long-standing senators in politics and I have been given every opportunity that anyone could possibly dream of" should be tattooed across her lower back. In fact it's the perfect new name for her Daily Beast column!)

Anyway, McCain's only real problem with Occupy Wall Street is that its central message of defeating the economic policies of her father and redistributing the resources that her mother inherited is being muddied by all the freaks.

As I was leaving Occupy Wall Street, I spotted a man who was attending the festivities wearing a giant cape made of tin foil. He was pretending that he could fly, but the tin foil just kept blowing around him, making an empty crinkling sound. He isn't the kind of superhero that these people need.

Poetic, isn't it? What she means is that Occupy Wall Street needs a different kind of superhero, one that will adequately represent its political program, which McCain supports, of taking money and power away from people like her and her parents, who were given "opportunities" (hereditary wealth and prestige) that people just aren't getting anymore these days, in large part because of the policies supported by her father and his political party, which are designed to enure that the beneficiaries of hereditary wealth and prestige maintain that wealth and prestige and pass it on to people like Meghan McCain, instead of letting poor people earn some of it.