Everything Fake Is Now 'Artisan'

What's the fake crap word that corporations are using now to push the subtle psychological buttons that force dumb Americans to buy their shitty products? "Artisan." FYI.

USA Today—America's artisanal newspaper—points out that every god damn huge corporate monolith is rushing to stamp "Artisan" on any number of mass-produced 100% artificial products. Domino's pizza? Artisan. Tostito's chips? Artisan. Starbucks robot-assembled humanoid sandwich items? Artisan. What is it with this "artisan" shit, eh?

"The word artisan suggests that the product is less likely to be mass-produced," says Tom Vierhile, innovation insights director at Datamonitor. "It also suggests the product may be less processed and perhaps better tasting and maybe even be better for you."

There you have it, America: you (we) are all so dumb that all it takes is one clearly false adjective to convince us to mindlessly open our wallets and pay for the privilege of shoveling the same lab-created chemical pseudofood concoction as always down our gullets.

Somehow feels a little more special though. I like how the company knows I'm unique.

[USA Today, photo via theimpulsivebuy/Flickr]