This morning on bad idea ball pit Fox & Friends, the melting Crisco sculpture known as Gretchen Carlson got outraged over a new program that requires "translation assistance" for the non-English speaking parents of Cleveland public school students. Boy was she mad!

Gretchen is ostensibly angry that taxpayer money is going to parents in need of assistance rather than to the aid of students (even though it's been proven that engaged parents mean better students, and a parent can't really engage if they don't know what anyone's saying), but really it seems like she's just generally angry about people not speaking the King's American English. Oh does this really get Gretchen's gelatin insides in a knot!

She angrily says to her punching bag guest, the leader of some kind of Spanish group for Spanish weirdos, that there are whole neighborhoods in New York, whole swaths of this great city, where kids never, never learn English because The Government tells them they don't have to. Whoa, really? What are you Gretchen, a Dutch politician? And what neighborhoods are these, do we think?? Did Gretchen's Towncar break down in WaHi one time and she heard the kids speaking Spanish and she assumed that meant they couldn't speak English? Is Gretchen spending her time wandering down Roosevelt Avenue or through Midwood, marveling in horror at all the crazy rikki-tikki languages tumbling out of these scary foreigners' mouths? She seems to really know these neighborhoods very well, specifically how none of the kids there speak English. That's just a thing that's very true of New York: The children of immigrants just don't speak English.

Well done, Gretchen. Glad you went to Chinatown once. Well done forever.