Sex Offender Fined $200 For Licking and Fondling Cardboard Woman in Rite Aid

How many times have you come across a life-sized standee in a movie theater lobby or department store, and not thought to yourself, "If only our ass-backwards society didn't disapprove of inter-dimensional dating, this cardboard cutout of Nikita and I could probably be pretty happy together." Well, Charlie J. Price of Pittsfield, Ma., doesn't abide by musty precepts like "social mores" or "not licking cardboard ladies in public."

On Saturday evening, an intoxicated Price waltzed into a Rite Aid and locked eyes with the sunglass-display model of his dreams. According to a Pittsfield Police report, he then "grabbed hold of the sunglass display, hugged it tightly and then began to lick and kiss the face of the female party on the display." This went on for about a minute, police said, and ended with the two star-crossed, partially laminated lovers rolling around on the floor, blissfully unaware of the terrified customers inching away around them.

Price, whose lack of self-control and inhibition has gotten him into serious trouble before (he's a Level 3 sex offender, which apparently is very sex-offendery), was detained by police and soon found himself in front of a judge. He was fined $200.

A cardboard cutout of Gloria Allred, meanwhile, is representing the standee in a civil suit. [berkshireeagle.com, Photo of Street Team Standee Marketing SF via ALT TERAIN/Flickr]