How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

On her first two days of community service at the L.A. County Morgue, Lindsay Lohan was late, alienated morgue authorities with extravagant food orders, and carried $4,000 worth of designer purses. But her most recent day at the morgue was more successful! Our favorite legally-challenged ingenue is finally getting the hang of it, and is even—dare we say?—popular at the morgue. How does she make it work?

[Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DO make friends on smoke breaks. Standard rules of high school coolness apply: Anything that happens behind the building, near nicotine, atop abandoned furniture, and/or in the vicinity of a boy with tattoos is cool. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DON'T be afraid to engage your new friends in spirited debate. "I know you don't believe me, Bobby, but I Know Who Killed Me taught me everything I need to know about corpses. Namely, that they are great at working the pole." [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DO invite friends to tag along. Criminals with entourages are cool. Here's little sister Ali Lohan, dropping by the morgue to say "hey" to LiLo and the working stiffs at the morgue. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DON'T wear the wrong outfit. Solid colors are "in" at the morgue. Flats are a "must." Closed-toe shoes are "required," in case you drop something heavy, or drip dead-person juice on your toes. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DO console your weary soul with nicotine, sugar, and caffeine. Here's Lindsay smoking and drinking Red Bull. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DO show off your blowjobs skills, because blowjob skills impress everyone. Even the Pope is known to deep throat the occasional banana, to impress his bishop friends. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]

How to Be Cool at the L.A. County Morgue: A Guide by Lindsay Lohan

DO celebrate success. When she first started her probation-required morgue duty (above) LiLo was apart and alone. Now she's an accepted and semi-productive member of a very small portion of vastly marginalized criminal society! Good job, Lindsay. Now put those rubber gloves back on and get back to work. [Image via Bauer-Griffin]