Police Now Ignoring Crime Because Gas is Too Expensive

Police Chief Michael Scott of Smithfield, N.C., has seen his 2012 gas budget cut by $10,000. He's about to ask the town council if he can reallocate some of his $30,000 office supply budget to pay for gas. If they don't allow it, do you know what he is going to do? That's right! He is going to let crime fester in the streets of Smithfield, like Gotham City before the Batman.

Department leaders say detectives will only investigate felony crimes, dropping misdemeanors after the initial report is done.

The new plan also calls for ignoring 911 calls from hotels and pay phones when callers hang up, "as a very high percentage of these calls are errors in dialing." And police would stop responding to burglar alarms, since they're often a false alarm. Also, officers wouldn't patrol the western or southern ends of town, since most crimes there aren't violent.

"Aren't?" Don't you mean "weren't?" As soon as word gets out that no cop has enough gas to drive there, the South End will be better known as "the corner of Rape St. and Senseless Murder Ave." Cut the damn White Out budget and give Chief Scott his gas money, already. [News Observer, Photo via Shutterstock]