As the world beats its collective breasts over Kim Kardashian's divorce, here's another hypothesis on why she would marry and leave a man so quickly: Kim always said she thought she'd be married with children by age 30. With her 31st birthday in late October, her (lucrative) life narrative required that she tie the knot.

So Kim got married, turned 31, and then divorced. As luck (or cold, calculated planning) would have it, she filed for divorce on October 31. Look how her hand actually rejects the number "31" when she attempts to write it, before signing her name on the divorce papers. Must... not... acknowledge... expiration date...


So now we can add "youth-obsessed neuroses" and "numerology" to "conspiracy theories" and "depraved capitalism" as we try to explain the actions of this strange, fame-warped beast named Kim. Happy Kim Kardashian Obsessing Day, everyone!