How To Text Like a Horrible MonsterS

Would you like to behave like a terrible manipulative teenager into your late 20s? If so, text messaging can very much help, as detailed in the Wall Street Journal today.

Shawn Farner, 26, purposely waits hours or days to return text messages from girls he likes, in order to keep them on edge. He thinks anyone who doesn't do the same is probably a loser. "A little alarm goes off in my head if a girl is really quick to respond," he told the Journal. Mary Delano, 29, sent her husband a blank text to trick him into calling her after a fight. She pretended it was accidental. "A blank text is a way to break the ice," she said. It also pairs well with lying to your soulmate, apparently. Justine Campbell, 23, sent fake drunk texts to guys she likes to see if they turn lewd. Which is actually kind of clever, if deceptive and self undermining.

Texting is "perfect for manipulation," an MIT psychologist tells the paper, which concludes that "Texting Turns Us Back Into Teenagers." Actually, no. Given that everyone quoted in the article is in their 20s, it sounds like texting gives obnoxious young people a way to extend their childish years a little bit. Once these kids gain a little maturity, they'll move on to more intricate schemes involving passive aggressive emails, snarky whispers, self mocking flirtation, strategic drinking, and vague legal threats, just like the rest of us.

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