Everyone knows that people in America's Northeast, Northwest, and Southwest regions are sociopaths with no regard for others. We don't even need to mention that widely accepted fact. Everyone also knows that the final haven of "manners" here in our nation of animals is the Southeast region, where people still say "Yes ma'am" and shit like that, no matter how corny it sounds, because they love Jesus—and manners.
Not so fast, partner. According to an alarming fake trend story in the Paper of Record today, "civility in the South is dead, or at least wounded." Dead! Wounded! Civility! The story presents the following evidence for this statement about the behavior of tens of millions of Americans across thousands of square miles:
- A bar asked two guys to give up their seat to two women. They didn't. A lawsuit was filed.
- A "professor of history and Southern culture" says that manners have "eroded."
- The South has had lots of "immigrants from other states and countries" lately. You know how they are.
- The internet.
- "It used to be that an African-American could trust an African-American down here," said one apparently randomly selected woman, to the reporter. "Those days are long gone."
- One teacher thinks kids these days just aren't as polite as they used to be.
- People having wedding today sure are selfish, says some lady who does weddings, in North Carolina.
- South Carolina's governor is mean.
- Southerners are speaking their minds now, says a "Southern cooking expert."
- Nascar fans rioted in Charlotte not too long ago.
Case closed! And one other thing: fuck you. That's right. I'm from the South, but we're mean now. Look it up.