Ryan Seacrest's First Movie Will Destroy the American Entertainment IndustryS

Ryan Seacrest, who hangs over Hollywood and infests everything in it like a cloud of smog carrying Anthrax, made his first deal to produce a movie. If this is anything like his TV producing enterprises, which brought us the Ugg-booted Yeti that is the Kardashians, we're all doomed.

Yes, Seacrest inked a deal to make a movie with Reese Witherspoon's Type A Films. Damn, and I used to like Reese Witherspoon. Of course it's going to be a romantic comedy and it's going to be written by Krista Vernoff, who used to write for Grey's Anatomy, your mom's favorite ABC show before she stopped watching it so she could watch more Dancing with the Stars. Man, if I find out that he cast Heigl in the lead role, I'm going to burn down the nearest multiplex. Or Aniston! He's totally going to cast Aniston. Ugh.

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